freelance

im really excited to end. the past few days i have been simply procrastinating and attempting to take an escape from all the work that needs to be done. (see, even when i must be typing 2 different papers now, look at me. im blogging. just blogging.) i know, my schedule isn't the most screwed up. but i think i just grew tired of everything that i just wanna stop and bum around. i have also been more frequently sleepy during finance and philo classes. most especially philo. im supposed to be attentive. its one of the few subjects i truly appreciate. but quite the contrary is happening. interest on the subject matter isn't quite as strong as it has to be and as i had believed it to be to keep me awake. dammit.

will be typing on the top of my head in 3... 2... 1....shoot: it's nice to have found someone to talk to about the person. it makes my life so much easier. especially that the new friend isn't a batchmate. so whatever i say and reveal wont put me in deep shit. or i dont think so. coz id be gone by the time everything's spilled. that is, if ever he decided to spill. which i doubt he'll do. and up until now im still confused about things. whether i should continue or not. kills me to be in this situation. although part of me is happy to be here. it's just the hassle and the thinking and the severe frustration i experience that somehow puts me through hell. although it has not been as intense as it used to be. i dont know if i should be happy about it. it could mean im slowly going back to where i used to be. but also at least it requires less thinking. and it allows me to focus more on the other things i should really be focusing on. such as school and group works. damn. another idea that just lets me be, with my all-time high level of laziness is the idea that even if i screw up on the group works, these people could no longer run away the next time there's group work. because there's no more next time. id only have to wait for the 2 remaining weeks to elapse and then im free from groupmates hating me (just some wild presumption) for being so unproductive esp during the times when i just have to be. case in point, now. but what the heck. to be forced to work when not in the mood just results in more shitty drafts. which would be less appreciated than a good work that took a longer time. assumption held: there's still time. case in point, now. a meager 10.5 hours before final biz plan is submitted and maybe +8 hours more before take home LT is due. without these two, id be very much relieved. two big works, gone. shit. see, now that i have time to think about stuff, i really am thinking about other things. wow. effective. thanks to my traitor emotions. cheesy. skip skip skip. i dunno what im saying now. i just wanna continue typing and typing and typing bec it makes me feel so much relieved. right, as if i was under too much pressure before i went blogging. 2 weeks. and everything's over. including love life. i think. she doesnt take notice. or she intentionally does that. oh well, girls. and how they break guys' hearts often. i know. biased. but i cant help it. im a victim. wah, sounded nice and pitiful. victim. of what? my own stupid mistakes. oh, she's a mistake? nah. just in general. i become a pitiful victim when i make the stupid moves. there. the moves are the ones that are stupid. shoves me to the edge and i lose control. and kaboom. explosion of screw ups. if i were still pessimistic or depressed as i was couple of years ago, i would be saying now, im such a screw up and nothing happened to me my entire four years. so im such a failure. but i no longer am. and so instead, i say, oh well thats life. im still young. lotsa time to explore. and have fun. finding a person is never confined to school girls. there's way more outside the fences of the ateneo. yeah. there's hope. dont worry. i'll find someone soon. soon, months soon? years soon? i dunno. what i need now is a job. not even an interview coz im a big interview fuck up. never had a single decent and acceptable interview. i always find a way to screw it up. and now, i really cant afford to do it. otherwise, i end up back in lucena, sitting on my ass with no job and no earnings. and that quite aint what i want to happen to me. no money. no love. no nothing. i am worth, about 25k. so there. its fun to fill out employment app forms when they ask for our desired salary. wish we could put 50k. why not? haha. asa. kupal. feeling mo VP ka na?and then i stop typing. coz im sleepy. and my eyes are starting to shut. but they cant coz there's still work. shit. i dont like this. im gonna hate this night.

im saying goodbye.
hope. you. open. your. eyes.
im tired.
i dont know what to do.
im confused with LS. LS? why?

really the end now.
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