a fool's entry

i have just finished reading for finance, trying to understand every single thing just so i can proceed in answering the case assigned to us for friday. i did understand things. but the problem we are suppose to work on doesnt seem to completely match the theories involved in the chapter i just read. or maybe im just not thinking hard enough. or not at all. it is quite disappointing that even she doesn't know how to work the problem out. i can sense some screwed up presentation on friday. i guess it's what you get when you put together three management students. trained not to think mathematically. but instead, instinctively. i think. instincts dont mean nothing when you're solving some technical, heavily numbered finance. i just thought now how life wouldve been had i decided to minor in some other things. or just nothing.

wish it was really possible to get that second chance to live one's life. just so we can redo whatever we've done in the past. especially those which have caused our lives to fuck up. or those which have caused or are still causing complications in our lives. it's easy for me to wish for that to happen. just so i can erase every single part of my somehow horrible past. part of me wants to leave it behind and just completely purge it out of my system. but i guess i dont have a choice. i can only put up with how things are now and start from this point onwards (or maybe from the point where life has started to become acceptable for me).

it makes me think now, do i really want to eliminate those complications i'm going through at present? i mean it's good to have some things bugging you several times of the day. it just becomes disastrous when the 'several times' becomes the whole day. i dont mind to be thinking and getting distracted all the time if i can see progress coming along. problem is, there's none. and things are just slowly becoming more complicated. gah. thisisshit. but i guess i dont give a damn about it too much anymore. it just gets the best of me. gradually leading me to self-destruction. or again, maybe im just not thinking hard enough. i let emotions rule over my brain. its heart over mind baby. and thats stupid. at least sometimes and in my case now. hmm. maybe its best that i just let things go as they wish, rather than plan things out then screw up in the end. just live smart. love smart. and... just be freakin smart.

PS im still too young to be in a rush. slow down buddy.