my college life is almost over. but it seems like i wont be leaving behind everything that's become part of it. worse part is, theyre not really the good things you wish you could bring with you as you leave the institution. rather, theyre the ones that would seem to bother you and even haunt you for as long as... a maximum of several months. only point is, there are some issues that still need to be resolved. it doesn't end as i graduate unless i find a good solution to it. it might seem like a no brainer for some but i just dont know why i continuously cling to it. it seems to me some complicated problem that needs a thorough analysis and discussion before i finally concede to what everybody else is saying, what they have been suggesting. so there may already be solutions served on the table. i just refuse to take them. because it's difficult and it kinda feels terrible. this must stop. if having a colorful life means having to go through this everyday, then, i don't need none of that anymore. a black-white-gray spectrum would pretty much suffice. OR you know, one could attain that colorful life by other means. not just this. so yeah, i still want that kinda life. just wanna live it differently. not this life. or maybe not this time, not this way.
right now, i just dont know what im doing. hayayay.
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