i'm leavin on a jetplane... or am i?

this post is long overdue. it's been weeks or even months since i last posted. yeah, school work. though it wasnt as stressful for me as it was last sem or maybe couple of sems ago. maybe it's because i decided to be more relaxed this time. i often told people, im tired of studying. all i wanna do now is just bum around and relax and gave fun. i think i accomplished all three. what i didnt accomplish though was get the high grades ive always fixed my eyes upon. at least not this sem. i can say that this is my worst sem ever. grades-wise. i was able to get all grades from top to the bottom. (but of course not the failing one). i tried bringing things up. but it's to no avail. im stuck with whatever i think i got. oh well. there goes my worst yet most "colorful" sem in my entire college life. and so in a couple of months time, i'll be graduating. and until now, i still dont have a concrete plan for myself. do i go to work? do i get a second degree? (yes, i am considering this) do i go abroad and study OR work? (this is the more preferred as of the moment- go abroad. i mean my dad's fine with it. i just dont know how it'll work out for me.)

ive been giving that much thought recently. i mean, i wanna get out of this country after graduation. and please spare me from all the dramas of staying for the country because i'm needed here bleh bleh. ha. i know i was born independence day, but maybe i was born at the wrong day. right before i started on this post, i was tryin to look for flights for a specific date. eveyrthing's stil vague as of the moment. i mean, first intention was vacation. then the idea of looking for a job there came up. so now it's both having a vacation AND looking for a job. which gave my dad the idea of letting me stay there for about 2 months. i'm a bit cynical as to the possiblity of this plan getting fulfilled. but it sounds exciting to me. also, im going there alone? well, i know i can handle it all by myself. but of course, trips are better when you're with a friend to keep you company. third point, i dont know where i'd stay. staying in a hotel would be... impractical. my dad was suggesting i stay with my cousin who's been there for i dont know how long. but it might be weird. i mean, we're not close and all so... i dont know. there are still so many things that have to be settled. but i sure am excited to leave. either to study again or to work. both will be excellent.

if i decide to stay though, i dont know what kind of job i'd land on. if i'd even land on one. the only thing that makes me skeptic about working abroad is... the possiblity of getting a job more quickly than i might here. at least here, ateneo puts me ahead of everyone else. or at least most of them. it would (or should) only take a while before someone hires me for work. i'd like to work here for the simple reason that i can still go home every so often, hang out with old friends and retain familiarity. moving to the states so soon might not be so good an idea for me. being there would be like starting all over again. and i really dont know how well i do in adjusting to places, people, cultures, everything. anyway, i dont know what kind of job awaits me. and considering how picky i am, er, im not sure how soon id find one.

perhaps my biggest worry as of this moment is the formation of a concrete plan. by now, i should already know what to do with my life. i can never rely on my parents. even if i know that no matter how fucked up things get i'd always have somewhere to go to, i should be able to plan things as soon as now. im not in the ateneo for no reason. and im not smart for no reason. something should come of all these. so i wish myself luck. and i hope you do, too.

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my nano's been pretty idle lately. havent gone out since i got here. so no chance of bringin it out and using it.

it feels good to be back home. pigging out has never been this easy. wooow.