still bugged.

they're still there, bugging every moment that i'm free from school thoughts. they have replaced the senseless musings of my ordinary life and comments on mundane things i see around. i still haven't reached the gravity yet of waking up in the morning with that (person/thing) first in mind. or maybe i just don't notice. but there were several nights already having that as my last thoughts. well yeah, considering i'm more in control of what i think about at that time of the day as opposed to the occurence of the first thought when i wake up each morning... if it stands on the first/last level, then it must mean something right? otherwise, it might just be some usual thing. nothing to be excited about. i mean i've gone through this several times in my life and i still haven't experienced something new to tell me that hey, you should be paying more attention to this, or hey, you should be scared now.

i don't know how long it would take me to finally reach a decision as to how i'm gonna respond to the situation. because in the first place, the problem is i'm not yet sure about this. i'm fickle-minded and i'm scared of making a big mistake. especially if THIS is at stake. screw ups are all part of this as they say. but no, i don't wanna be part of the statistic. i want everything to be perfect. because next time, i might not have the courage anymore to do something about situations like this (if i would have the courage ever. ha, let's see.) that's why i need the help of my friends. no matter how much i want to do this on my own, i think it's better if i seek help. this might be the first and last time that i would have plans of making a move and as i said, i wouldn't wanna screw it up. heya friend1 and friend2, i need YOUR help.

the feeling is getting crazier and crazier. i find it scary that soon, everything might just vanish on thin air. just when i have this thought that this might be IT, i might just stupidly lose it. just when i had the opportunity. but the situation is difficult. at least, it is for me. we're like standing on each end of that long hanging bridge, where things from the start to the end will be shaky. id be excited to cross the bridge while she just stands there, looking at how i'm gonna make it to where she is. and she's thaaat far. so it would be a long journey for me, if ever. i'd be filled with cold sweat and covered in fear that as i reach the middle, the bridge will give up. and i'd plunge down to the muddy earth, while she stands still on where she had been standing all the time, each of us no longer having a vision of each other. it would be a sad ending. maybe just on my part.

or it could also have a fairy tale ending.

damn. this is cheesy.